Random relating to song lyrics moment...

So I was listening to Melissa Etheridge's new CD in the car on the way to/from work tonight. Well, okay, for probably the past 2 weeks now. I have this obsession that I must memorize song lyrics, and toward that end I replay CDs over and over again to the point of driving anyone else in the car to wanting to leap from the vehicle at freeway speeds. Anyway, I was listening to "Breathe" for probably the zillionth time, belting out the lyrics at the top of my tar encrusted lungs, and it hit me. The song is about her being on the road and missing her sweetie, but there's another relevace there, one that's entirely personal. It perfectly describes how I'm feeling about Mary's lack of support or acceptance of my transition. It's all about wanting to be back home, and home being basically the one you love. Right now, even when I'm home I'm not home, because things are so damned tense and distant between the two of us. The chorus, "I'm alright I'm alright, it only hurts when I breathe." That's just about how I feel every waking moment. I can't escape the torture of being trans, of being trapped in this body that doesn't fit, and of being in a relationship where there's so much tension and stress, and it's all over me. It only hurts when I breathe. Thank God for relevant song lyrics. How completely cathartic. And now, for your reading pleasure, the lyrics to "Breathe."

 

I played the fool today
And I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Longing for home again
But home
Is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

And I can't ask for things to be still again
No I can't ask if I could walk though the world
In your eyes
Longing for home again
But home
Is a feeling I buried in you

I'm alright I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe

My window through which nothing hides
And everything sings
I'm counting the signs
And cursing the miles in between
Oh

And home is a feeling I buried in you
That I buried in you

I'm alright I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe