What would you do?

[dr_tranny]

Okay, so the other day I was talking to a very close friend about life in general, and most specifically about the fact that my wife isn't accepting that I'm trans. Her advice was basically to leave my wife, for the good of my mental state. Along with the idea that I should take a solo vacation to S.F. to visit her, and to find myself in the Queer Mecca. God knows there is nothing in this world I want more than to be able to begin my transition, and finally some closer to the man I was always meant to be, but leave my wife...I dunno about that. I'll admit, she has a valid point, that if I don't start doing for myself, I'll never be happy. But it's not like flipping a light switch. I can't just up and walk out like that. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! And taking a vacation isn't a no-brainer either. We never go anywhere without each other (work not withstanding). I would love to go visit S.F., and see Beck for the first time in years. I'm afraid though. I'm afraid if I went there, I wouldn't want to come back. Gawd. I don't know what to do here! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

sorry man

[gunboat-gsb.livejournal.com]

man. there's never an easy answer when it comes to this. my transition has caused a good many problems with my current relationship.
so much so that we're not sure whether we're in a relationship right now.
i was really selfish for a while in my transition. i put my transition off for a long time for the sake of other people...first a former girlfriend...then for my parents. by the time i was ready to do it, there wasn't going to be any bullshit about it from anyone. i felt i'd wasted a lot of time.
i met jamie right about then. and i didn't leave her any room to have feelings about me changing...because i told her it would happen when we met.
that combined with me neglecting her because i was too busy thinking about my transition...and a few other various things...and here we have a failing relationship.

i'm not saying that your friend is right or wrong. but balancing transition and a relationship can be next to impossible.
and at the end of it all...where does it leave you? how compatible will you really be for each other?
i'm not trying to be cold or insensitive. i've just been up all night thinking about my own relationship troubles.
my heart aches for the girl i'm in love with after these two years of putting her second to my transition.
and my heart aches for others who will inevitably go through something similar in their own relationships.

putting my transition off for other people wasn't healthy though. i resent the people to this day. i don't speak to the former girlfriend very often. and when we do contact each other it's riddled with hostilities on both sides. and i resent my parents for not catching up to where i am in my life a lot sooner.

anyway...like i said...there's no easy answer. i'm sorry man. i feel for you.
listen to your instinct. it knows what's really going on.
take care...best of luck.
gunner

Re: sorry man

[mrmikeyman.livejournal.com]

Thanks man. I don't really know what my instinct is telling me just yet. I think I got those two little guys on my shoulders, whispering in my ear, pulling me both ways. *sigh* I'm really sorry about you and Jamie too. I truly hope all works out well for you two. I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya. (and toes, and arms, and legs...) And for me too. *wry grin* We'll see what happens...

Mike